I don't have a title yet, so here's the blurb:
Dr. Blackbucket is an evil genius, or at least that's how he likes to think of himself. Unfortunately, all the mothers in his quiet suburban neighborhood are certain that he's a sweet old man, and he is always the first one they ask when they need a babysitter. And Dr. Blackbucket hates children with a passion that burns deeply in his dark heart.
Then Mrs. Ligglesbarn asks Dr. Blackbucket to babysit her two little darlings (monsters is how Dr. Blackbucket sees it) while she is at the grocery store. Dr. Blackbucket, scared to death of Mrs. Ligglesbarn, does it. Convinced that the children mean trouble, he tries to get rid of them via his latest invention--a time machine. His plan backfires, however, when he is caught in his own invention with the very monsters he is trying to avoid.
Trapped in ancient Rome with the Ligglesbarn brats, Dr. Blackbucket must maneuver his way around angry centurions, confused gladiators, bombastic senators, and one terribly annoyed street merchant, and somehow keep his young charges out of trouble long enough to loose them somewhere so that he can get back home.
Oops. One of the little darlings just broke the time machine.
And here's the first scene:
Dr. Blackbucket was not in the habit of speaking to anyone if he could possibly help it. Oh, he spoke, or rather muttered evilly under his breath. That's how he would have said it. He always tried to make everything sound as epic as possible. He narrated his own life in his head all day long, and it brought him exceeding pleasure if he could come up with a new turn of phrase that would sound better than the last turn of phrase he had come up with.
The evil genius padded softly down the long and winding staircase to the kitchen where he fried himself two eggs for breakfast, laughing maniacally as he imagined their coming demise.
Dr. Blackbucket muttered this to himself as he fixed his breakfast. In reality his staircase was straight and no longer than a normal staircase, but it did sound so much better to make it long and winding. Also he pronounced "maniacally" wrong, never having actually heard the word spoken before, although he had read it somewhere.
"I wonder how children would taste with these eggs," the brilliant scientist wondered as he expertly flipped the eggs onto his plate and began eating them with cruel gusto.
Dr. Blackbucket attempted to flip the eggs onto his plate but broke both of the yolks dropped the whole kit and kaboodle, pan and all, onto his big toe. It is never dignified for an evil genius to yell in pain, but Dr. Blackbucket did something very close to that. He glared at the eggs splattered over the floor.
Clearly the work of his powerful arch-enemy. The evil genius would have to be careful. He leaned over the mess, carefully inspecting them to make sure that they wouldn't explode in his face and leave him maimed and disfigured for life.
Tap, tap, tap.
Dr. Blackbucket jumped up and whirled around. Someone was knocking on the kitchen door. He almost got back on the floor again when he saw who it was: Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
Not Mrs. Ligglesbarn! She was worse than all the arch-enemies in the world put together.
"Yoo-hoo! Mr. Blackbucket!" Mrs. Ligglesbarn was putting her face up against the window of the door, trying to peek in. That busybody!
"My name is Dr. Blackbucket," the illustrious villain snarled darkly as he scowled at the monster-lady's shadow creeping into his kitchen.
"Yes, Mrs. Ligglesbarn?" he said aloud, although not too loudly. He was too frightened of her not to answer her, but he certainly didn't want to attract her attention. Unfortunately, Mrs. Ligglesbarn had the ears of a highly advanced technological hearing device, and she picked up Dr. Blackbucket's quavering answer with no trouble at all.
"Oh, good, I was thinking you were at home," Mrs. Ligglesbarn called out. "Where are you?"
Dr. Blackbucket stood up. "Right here, Mrs. Ligglesbarn."
"Well, do you want to make me stand out here all day, you silly man?" asked Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
Dr. Blackbucket decided not to answer that truthfully and merely shuffled as one defeated over to the door and let in Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
"Good morning, Mr. Blackbucket," said Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
"Dr. Blackbucket," mumbled Dr. Blackbucket. "I have a degree. Several, in fact."
"Yes, yes, of course. My, my, have you been trying to cook all by yourself. How cute! You poor thing, you simply mustn't try to clean that mess up by yourself."
Before Dr. Blackbucket could say another word, Mrs. Ligglesbarn was whisking herself all over the kitchen, cleaning up the destruction of the evil genius' breakfast. Dr. Blackbucket could do no more than stare at her with widened eyes and a palpitating heart. What if she discovered . . .
"What is this?" Mrs. Ligglesbarn was halfway into the cupboard underneath the sink, looking for cleaning supplies. Her legs stuck out behind her like two logs wearing pointy high heels. She emerged holding a bottle labeled POISON with a skull and crossbones beneath.
"Don't you know?" asked Dr. Blackbucket. Perhaps if she didn't know he could get her to drink it, and that would solve all of his immediate problems.
"It says 'Poison,'" said Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
"R-r-rat poison," stuttered the poor scientific prodigy. So much for that idea.
"Oh, of course," laughed Mrs. Ligglesbarn. "Well, I'm sure you know why I'm here."
Dr. Blackbucket was pretty sure that he knew, but he was hoping against hope that perhaps this would be a mere painful social visit.
"I am going to the grocery store, and I was hoping that you would watch my two darling little children for two hours or so while I'm gone," said Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
Of course she did. All the neighborhood mothers asked Dr. Blackbucket if he would watch their children while they went to the grocery store. Mrs. Ligglesbarn had the worst children in the neighborhood, though.
"Certainly, Mrs. Ligglesbarn," moaned Dr. Blackbucket. "I would be glad to watch Johnny and Susie."
"Tyler and Jessica," Mrs. Ligglesbarn corrected Dr. Blackbucket.
"Whatever you say, Mrs. Ligglesbarn," gulped the nefarious brute.
Thanks for reading, and God bless,
Kathryn
Oops. One of the little darlings just broke the time machine.
And here's the first scene:
Dr. Blackbucket was not in the habit of speaking to anyone if he could possibly help it. Oh, he spoke, or rather muttered evilly under his breath. That's how he would have said it. He always tried to make everything sound as epic as possible. He narrated his own life in his head all day long, and it brought him exceeding pleasure if he could come up with a new turn of phrase that would sound better than the last turn of phrase he had come up with.
The evil genius padded softly down the long and winding staircase to the kitchen where he fried himself two eggs for breakfast, laughing maniacally as he imagined their coming demise.
Dr. Blackbucket muttered this to himself as he fixed his breakfast. In reality his staircase was straight and no longer than a normal staircase, but it did sound so much better to make it long and winding. Also he pronounced "maniacally" wrong, never having actually heard the word spoken before, although he had read it somewhere.
"I wonder how children would taste with these eggs," the brilliant scientist wondered as he expertly flipped the eggs onto his plate and began eating them with cruel gusto.
Dr. Blackbucket attempted to flip the eggs onto his plate but broke both of the yolks dropped the whole kit and kaboodle, pan and all, onto his big toe. It is never dignified for an evil genius to yell in pain, but Dr. Blackbucket did something very close to that. He glared at the eggs splattered over the floor.
Clearly the work of his powerful arch-enemy. The evil genius would have to be careful. He leaned over the mess, carefully inspecting them to make sure that they wouldn't explode in his face and leave him maimed and disfigured for life.
Tap, tap, tap.
Dr. Blackbucket jumped up and whirled around. Someone was knocking on the kitchen door. He almost got back on the floor again when he saw who it was: Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
Not Mrs. Ligglesbarn! She was worse than all the arch-enemies in the world put together.
"Yoo-hoo! Mr. Blackbucket!" Mrs. Ligglesbarn was putting her face up against the window of the door, trying to peek in. That busybody!
"My name is Dr. Blackbucket," the illustrious villain snarled darkly as he scowled at the monster-lady's shadow creeping into his kitchen.
"Yes, Mrs. Ligglesbarn?" he said aloud, although not too loudly. He was too frightened of her not to answer her, but he certainly didn't want to attract her attention. Unfortunately, Mrs. Ligglesbarn had the ears of a highly advanced technological hearing device, and she picked up Dr. Blackbucket's quavering answer with no trouble at all.
"Oh, good, I was thinking you were at home," Mrs. Ligglesbarn called out. "Where are you?"
Dr. Blackbucket stood up. "Right here, Mrs. Ligglesbarn."
"Well, do you want to make me stand out here all day, you silly man?" asked Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
Dr. Blackbucket decided not to answer that truthfully and merely shuffled as one defeated over to the door and let in Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
"Good morning, Mr. Blackbucket," said Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
"Dr. Blackbucket," mumbled Dr. Blackbucket. "I have a degree. Several, in fact."
"Yes, yes, of course. My, my, have you been trying to cook all by yourself. How cute! You poor thing, you simply mustn't try to clean that mess up by yourself."
Before Dr. Blackbucket could say another word, Mrs. Ligglesbarn was whisking herself all over the kitchen, cleaning up the destruction of the evil genius' breakfast. Dr. Blackbucket could do no more than stare at her with widened eyes and a palpitating heart. What if she discovered . . .
"What is this?" Mrs. Ligglesbarn was halfway into the cupboard underneath the sink, looking for cleaning supplies. Her legs stuck out behind her like two logs wearing pointy high heels. She emerged holding a bottle labeled POISON with a skull and crossbones beneath.
"Don't you know?" asked Dr. Blackbucket. Perhaps if she didn't know he could get her to drink it, and that would solve all of his immediate problems.
"It says 'Poison,'" said Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
"R-r-rat poison," stuttered the poor scientific prodigy. So much for that idea.
"Oh, of course," laughed Mrs. Ligglesbarn. "Well, I'm sure you know why I'm here."
Dr. Blackbucket was pretty sure that he knew, but he was hoping against hope that perhaps this would be a mere painful social visit.
"I am going to the grocery store, and I was hoping that you would watch my two darling little children for two hours or so while I'm gone," said Mrs. Ligglesbarn.
Of course she did. All the neighborhood mothers asked Dr. Blackbucket if he would watch their children while they went to the grocery store. Mrs. Ligglesbarn had the worst children in the neighborhood, though.
"Certainly, Mrs. Ligglesbarn," moaned Dr. Blackbucket. "I would be glad to watch Johnny and Susie."
"Tyler and Jessica," Mrs. Ligglesbarn corrected Dr. Blackbucket.
"Whatever you say, Mrs. Ligglesbarn," gulped the nefarious brute.
Thanks for reading, and God bless,
Kathryn
THIS, THIS, THIS!!!! How did you know I was chewing on a time machine story?? Augh, Kathryn! You're swiping all my ideas! ;) Actually, mine has nothing to do with little brats and evil geniuses... but I won't say any more on the topic.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE THIS! Snippet, blurb, and everything!!! This better be something you see through to the end because this is amazing. 'Nuff said.
Hahaha. You know, I can't help but wonder what happens next!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great story! I was in stitches!
ReplyDelete