My Interview with Sir John and Lady Tittleton

A few days ago I persuaded Sir John Tittleton, and his lovely wife, Lady Tittleton, to consent to an interview, which I am posting in full here.  I designed my own questions for them.

The Interview
Me: How do you feel to know that Miss Warbling is writing out a story that could be embarrassing to you?
Sir John: I feel that Miss Warbling is being strangely forward.  It is not like her to give the Public an entrance into our private lives.
Lady Tittleton: I agree in part, my dear, but surely, as the newspapers got so much wrong, it is good that someone is going to set the record straight.
Sir John: Miss Warbling is a young lady of excessive imagination, and I do not think that she can be trusted to set the record straight.

Me: What was your first reaction upon hearing the news that such a revealing anecdote was to be written?
Sir John: I could not believe that Miss Warbling was going to be so indiscreet.
Lady Tittleton: Well, I was rather shocked, I admit, when my dear Judith wrote me the news.  I had rather hoped that such a matter might be forgotten.
Me: Murder?  Forgotten in about two months?
Lady Tittleton: If it is left alone, people will find something else to amuse themselves with.
Me: Then you think that people merely amused themselves by reading the news of the murder?
Lady Tittleton: Before this dreadful happening, I thought that people had some decency, but now I fear that I have seen a little too much human nature to be deceived.  It is my firm belief that people must surely read the newspapers for the bad news, for that is mostly what is in them, and if people wanted to read good news, then the newspapers wouldn't sell bad news.

Me: Interesting observation, Lady Tittleton.  Let us move on.  How do you feel knowing that the events of Christmas, which took place on your property, have caused so much widespread damage?
Sir John: It is my to my definite shame that such events were indulged in at all.  I am extremely sorry for those that have been affected by what happened at my house on Christmas week.
Lady Tittleton: I am sorry for the people that were affected by those events, especially for my children, and, of course, for those who are dead.

Me: Were you very nervous knowing that there was a murderer in the same house with you?
Sir John: Miss Barrett, I think that you know the answer to that question.
Me: Of course I do, but I still want to have it down for the interview.
Sir John: No.
Lady Tittleton: Well, I was at first, but I knew that the Lord would take care if us.  He did, too, as you can see.

Me: How did you feel when you found out that Mr. Jarbour was dead?
Sir John: I admit, I was not feeling exactly happy, as I perhaps should have felt at the death of that dreadful person.
Me: But it was murder!
Sir John: The law could pin nothing on him, but look at all the innocent lives he ruined.  Surely a man like that does not deserve to live.
Me: Isn't that for God to decide?
Sir John: Er, perhaps.
Lady Tittleton: I became excessively nervous and shaky.  I believe that I swooned at the news.
Me: You did, according to Miss Warbling.
Sir John: I believe that we have already established the fact that Miss Warbling is likely to embellish the facts.
Me: A swoon is a swoon, Sir John.
Sir John: Well, when you put it like that, what can I say?

Me: If you had to relive that Christmas, what would you do differently?
Sir John: I would have kept Miss Hatchet away from a certain person of which you know but whom I had better not say, as you asked me to say nothing pertinent to the actual story.
Lady Tittleton: I would have kept Mrs. Purdle away!  You know how hard it is to get good housekeepers nowadays.
Me: Tell me about it!
Lady Tittleton: Well, ever since Mrs. Purdle has been, er, relieved of service, I have not been able to find one decent housekeeper!  Not one, Miss Barrett, though goodness knows I have searched far and wide.  You know, I always hire the servants myself, although I rather wish now that I did not.

Me: Here is the last question.  Would you say that your lives have changed for the better or for the worse since the world has been rid of a man that did not deserve to live?
Sir John: Miss Barrett!  For shame!  Using my own words against me!  You know that I cannot say that my life has changed for the better.  The scandal has proved too much for us.  People do not want to be friends with a person who has had a murder committed in his house.
Lady Tittleton: I rather agree with Sir John.  The events of Christmas did not better our situation in the least, but rather worsened it.
Me: I won't ask you how, as I believe that Miss Warbling is setting down all of those facts in her account.
Sir John: I doubt that she will do a very good job of it.
Lady Tittleton:  Now, my dear, I am sure it will be a very lovely story.
Me: Insofar as a story of murder can be.  Thanks so much for your time, Sir John and Lady Tittleton!  I can't wait to get back with you.
Sir John: My pleasure, Miss Barrett.
Lady Tittleton: Indeed, it was a great pleasure.

Thanks for reading,